“Depression is not robotic. You can still express a genuine smile; you jut may cherish it more.”
Depression changes more than who you are. It changes the people around you.
Your supportive family panics.
They ask you to comfort their racing minds. They want to hear you say you’re fine and everything’s back to normal – even if they know it’s not.
Your friends don’t know you anymore.
They sigh when you pass on a night of drinking and like everyone else, they just want to pat you on the back and tell you it will blow over.
Your job is slipping from your control.
You can’t devote your hectic mind to 8 hours of concentration a day. You can’t accumulate enough vacation hours to sacrifice when the illness numbs your body and your bed holds you hostage.
You live your days in frustration and judgment.
You live misunderstood. And the days you don’t feel those feelings. The days your mind doesn’t strangle you – are the days you’re a shell. You don’t feel anything at all.
Depression is the inability to be who you are.
You want to be the one with the kind heart.
You want people to watch as you achieve big things and concur life flawlessly.
You want to wear a permanent smile and see the good in people’s eyes – not pity. It sounds so easy. Anyone could be happy if they let themselves. But it’s not that easy, and it takes losing simple happiness to understand it.
Depression is not suicidal.
It doesn’t paint purple bags beneath your eyes or leave your wrists scared with self-loath. There’s no rain cloud over your head or a mandatory all-black dress code. You don’t spend your days choking on tears with makeup stained cheeks.
Depression isn’t an Instagram caption, proclaiming sadness about a broken heel and it isn’t an opportunity to incorporate self-pity into casual conversation. Depression isn’t robotic. You can still express a genuine smile; you just may cherish it more.
Depression shows you the dark to remind you there’s light.
It knocks you down so you can learn how to stand. It opens your mind so you can survive the closed world and it makes you strong so you forget you were weak.
Depression is pushing against the wind that keeps pushing back. Its resistance hitting you cold in the face.
It’s reading your life on paper, the words resemble a script, telling the story of a character in a desirable life. It’s sitting by the water, a Caribbean drink in hand while your mood still sings like a twisted Beetles song. It’s as agonizing as a broken arm, threatening to restrict day-to-day movements.
Depression is happiness.
It’s not sadness. It’s intelligence. It’s wanting more from life. It’s wanting more from yourself. It’s wanting what you don’t have. It’s wanting what you don’t yet know.
This image was illustrated in collaboration with Lemon Chicken Por Favor